|
While at a party on a steamy July night, I promised myself
to just have fun and not think about career stuff. It didn't
work. Out on the patio, drinking a cold one, I couldn't help
but listen to people talk about their lives. The topics: work
and sex, communicated in straight-ahead, unedited party dialogue.
In my usual way, I stayed quiet, just taking it in. One woman
in her mid-twenties had just moved to Manhattan, her fiancé
got a great job there. "He's the only person I know who
really loves his work . . . but my job sucks," she blurted
loudly without hesitation, "but that's ok, I'm in my nesting
phase." [The group burst into laughter] A talkative, yet
inquisitive woman then challenged the group, "If you could
magically switch overnight to any job you wanted, what would
it be?"
Wow, that's my question I thought. Mouth shut, I just kept
listening. Everyone came to attention like in the E. F. Hutton
commercial. Some people's faces immediately changed expression,
ready to share their fantasy life. A sassy young lady said, "I'm
intrigued by the fashion industry, I'd like to work for a major
designer, maybe Calvin Klein, as a buyer." Others quickly
asked what she does now. "Software . . . it's not me, but
the money's too good to change direction at my age." [She's
25] One of her girlfriends then asked if she was any happier
with her work lately, she said, "No, but I've been in a
better mood since I met this great guy at the beach." Interestingly,
none of the young men at the party chimed in. Most were in the
middle of inhaling grilled hotdogs, like me. The inquisitive
woman who got this all started said, "I'd love to be a talk
show host, but it's a really big stretch from my e-commerce sales
job . . . I wouldn't know how to get it started." After
a moment of quiet tension, the subject instantly switched to
the tribulations of mating.
What I found most intriguing that night was the tone of the
conversation. Given, it was a party; conversation is usually
kept light, however, these folks were unwittingly sharing their
real views, values, and rules for living. If you listen closely
enough you'll notice that people can rarely utter a sentence
without it being loaded with their philosophy on life. Beyond
the basic human drive to find a mate and "nest," the
tone of this group of 20-somethings was one of being overly
realistic, practical, and safe. In a bizarre way, this party
scene could be used as a promotion for a retirement community.
Indeed, it's puzzling to see people in their mid-twenties without
vision or willingness to pursue passionate work. To dream up
bigger possibilities is seen as an unattainable fantasy. It would
simply "take too long" to achieve the lifestyle they
want (and already have) doing something more fulfilling. I thought
to myself, "if they could hear the regrets of my mid-career
clients, they might look at things differently." They, just
like people who are now in their late 30s and older did before
them, only planned their life to reach age thirty. As the stock
story goes, "get a good job, start a family, and wait until
retirement to do what you really want."
I've found that most people recognize that they're being too
practical. It's like being under a spell that you are aware of,
yet unable to wake from. Working just to make a living (with
little passion for what you do) is so common that it seems "normal."
Upon reflection, most people will admit that it's absurd to make
such a compromise. Still, few are willing to take the challenge
to create an exceptional life. Don't take my word on this, do
your own investigating. Look closely to see what happens to older
people that didn't dream very big. You may find them looking
a lot like the grown-ups in Charlie Brown cartoons. If you play
it too safe, you may be destined to become a boring "adult"
whose life is resigned and invisible--with no more affect than
a Charlie Brown parent murmuring "whah, whaah, whaaah."
To get a glimpse of your future, take time out to talk to "grown-ups"
around you. Inquire into which are fully alive, energetic, and
in love with their work. Observe which are more like a lifeless
doormat. Find out the " design rules" each camp is
living by. Imagine yourself down the road in each of their shoes;
then decide what philosophy you want to design your life by.
Sure, it's smart to be practical. It's also smart to dream.
Here's a secret: your career doesn't have to be an "either/or"
decision. You can be practical "and" a dreamer. To
do this requires thinking about your career path more like a
master architect. The goal is to "engineer" your career,
a customized long-term master plan, which serves as a blueprint
for you to design and build. Where most people fall short is
in the design stage, they limit themselves by thinking too small,
too safe, too practical. As discussed above, be sure the philosophy
guiding your life design is one you've carefully considered.
At one point during the party the inquisitive woman asked
me what I would do for a fantasy career. I smiled and said, "be
a career consultant and a writer." "What do you do
now?" she asked. "Exactly that," I said. "It
took eight years to get here from my engineering career, but
I am committed to this dream." At first she gave no response,
just a big curious smile. Later, she came back in private and
said, "Can you tell me how to do that?" Here goes nothing:
1. Take stock.
Your perfect career is in part, a reflection of what you "already"
are. Put the classifieds on the back shelf for awhile, you'll
drive yourself nuts trying to find a career that fits you in
the newspaper. By looking outward first you put the possibility
of finding what you want in someone else's hands. Watch, listen,
and notice how you do your life, especially where you are good
at it. Examine where you're doing things that come easy and naturally,
and set out to get paid for what you do best.
2. Design small components.
Build your future career one piece at a time, each piece a
"must have" part of your daily life. Most of us try
to take one big leap from high school or college into a career.
This is hard to do, and for many people, very shortsighted. It's
easier to learn about yourself and the world a little at a time
and begin choosing smaller pieces of your career and lifestyle.
For example, do you enjoy working with people, ideas, things,
or a special combination of these? Like an engineering project,
start by choosing your career components as definite "requirements"
for your life design.
3. Mastermind the ultimate career.
Use your imagination to integrate your design components:
passions, values, goals, desires, and natural abilities into
a full-blown career scenario that custom fits you. An interesting
thing happens to people when they clean out the cobwebs and allow
themselves to dream a little. Dreams create a positive tension
that pulls you forward. Your imagination can be actively used
as a tool to create a detailed blueprint of a future possibility
to further explore. The clearer you can see this blueprint in
your minds eye, what "a day in the life of" your perfect
career looks like, sounds like, and feels like, the easier it
is to make it happen.
4. Do a reality check.
Experiment with your career vision, try it on, research it,
talk to people doing it, and be it. At this stage you'll be ready
to do some solid research to get more clarity. The reality check
is your "investigation," go check out your new career
possibility to see if it fits as well as you hoped. A short cut
to learning more about your career vision is to find the people
already doing it and go talk to them.
5. Keep a beginner's mind.
Repeat the above steps until you are crystal clear about what
you want. Trust that clarity will come as you study your inner
and outer world. Stay inquisitive and open, even with all your
research you may still need to stew for awhile. A career vision
is as clear as its inventor; the more we know about who we are
(and how to put this in action), the better we can help ourselves
and ask people around us for support.
6. Begin living your dream.
Commit to your dream and go live it. When you make it to this
step, you've done it--you're a practical dreamer. Through careful
reflection, thorough consideration of smaller commitments, creative
imagination, inspiration, lots of real world research, fine-tuning
and testing, and a commitment to make it happen over the long-haul,
your dream is bound to come true. As Goethe inspired us, "Whatever
you can do, or you dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius,
power, and magic in it."
|
